One Witch's PantheaCons

PantheaCon 2013 "Crones"
rear l-r: Magenta Griffin, Rachael Watcher, Macha NightMare, Selena Fox,
Vivianne Crowley, Margot Adler; front Anna Korn, Glenn Turner

I’m annoyed that the comments for the post on The Wild Hunt are closed only two days after its publication.  I had stuff to say.  I’ve been to many a Pcon, and have been there in various capacities, both inside organizing as a volunteer and as a presenter.  Thus, I’ll share what I had wanted to say, and more, on this blog.

The first year, in downtown San Jose, not near the airport, I helped run the Green Room and had a role in Reclaiming’s Brigit ritual there.  

Over the years, I’ve had panels that have had people sitting in the aisles and spilling out the doorway.  (Pagan Clergy, Death & Dying, et al.)  I’ve been a functionary in rituals others created and presented some of my own. (big Brigit ritual written by Laurel Olson Mendez, 19 priestesses; “Witchual: A Spell”; Oracles from the LivingTarot – really screwed up on that one; et al.)

The year 2000 CE saw the first performance of three of Goddesses Alive! using Lauren Raine’s gorgeous goddess masks, in celebration of the late Abby Willowroot’s Goddess 2000 project, at the old Jack Tar Hotel in San Francisco.  This ritual, in a much more polished form, was performed again that December at New College of California (RIP), and had its final performance at the Parliament of the World’s Religions in Salt Lake City in 2015 — one of the great honors of my life.  

One year when it was at the Oakland Convention Center I headed the volunteers.  It was not a good experience for me, sorry to say, since my efforts were stymied by arbitrary interference, to the point where I would never again volunteer there.

Cherry Hill Seminary presented symposia the day before the Con began three or four years, thanks to PantheaCon's Glenn Turner’s offering us rooms in which to hold them.  One year we even managed a CHS hospitality suite shared with the House of Danu.

Our Predecessors

In 2008, we did a Besom Brigade -- thank you, Steven Posch -- in the DoubleTree lobby.  

My “Growing Pagan Elders” study was rejected three years in a row, for reasons unknown.  I had originally conducted this study for presentation at the Claremont Conference on Current Pagan Studies, and I’ve been paid to present it elsewhere.  It was a lot of work and was about something we as Pagans were facing as our movement matured.  I got over 700 responses on my open-ended survey on Survey Monkey.  By “open-ended” I mean I left lots of space for narrative,

Finally, after three years, I was given the 9 am Monday time slot, when everyone has left or is preparing to do so.  So who was sitting in my very unsexy presentation that year?  Margot Adler, Selena Fox, Ivo Dominguez, Michael Smith, Amber and Azrael K, and other leaders, so I guess it was interesting enough for them.  Hmm, do I sound bitter about that?  

After that I quit submitting proposals, except for sitting on a panel now and then, and just attended so I could visit old, seldom seen friends, attend a ritual or presentation as they interested me and if they were led by a friend – in which case I knew they’d be good.

Some years I was away at another Pagan gathering the same weekend.  Last year I didn’t go because of the furor and dysfunction.  

This year I was given the 7 pm Friday evening time slot, a time when many had not yet arrived, for another unsexy talk on creating Pagan infrastructure called “Have Paganisms Gone Mainstream? The Spiritual Meets the Secular.”  To my surprise, we had a full house, a double room that was one full room and about 1/3 of the spill-out room, maybe 50 people.  Of course, I forgot to ask someone to take photos and forgot to pass around a sign-up sheet.  Discussion was so lively that Con staff had to throw us out of the room for the next talk, and I got lots and lots of positive feedback throughout the rest of the Con.  Very satisfying.

I do applaud and appreciate Glenn for creating these opportunities to create Pagan culture.  'Back in the day' that creation and cross-fertilization was done in the context of outdoor camping festivals, especially in the South and Midwest.  My theory about why there were so few on the West Coast was that we are already liberal and accepting and don’t need to sneak off for private meetings where we weren’t jeopardized by the threat of outing.  PantheaCon has played a major role in the cross fertilization and evolution of contemporary American Pagan culture.

In Honor of the Lady Brigit

Joining in my friend Oak's call for Brigit Poetry Festival 2011:

Brigit the Healer

You wear a long green dress
Your toes are peppermint chamomile comfrey
golden seal valerian
Your fingers give just the color that's needed
just the jewel that's needed
Yours is the work of the yew tree
for weapon and weapon salve
are one in You
Your power is to keep the stars
bonewhite circling above
or whirling below
Your height is to bind
Your height is to set free

~ Ellen Cooney, from Mother of the Silkless: Inovcations to Goddesses and Gods

In Honor of Holy Bridey

I want to thank my friend Oak for reminding me again this year to stop and hear Her song. I've been in the midst of family changes, including the death of my partner Corby's mother in the wee hours of Friday morning, as well as having just returned from the Sixth Annual Conference on Current Pagan Studies at Claremont Graduate University, far from my home in Northern California. Candlemas nearly got away from me. (Corby circled with some of our Gardnerian friends last night, but I was too wiped to go.) Whining over; here are the poems I've chosen this year. Since Brigit is a triple goddess, I offer three.

My friend Penny Novack, in her new book Your Luminous Self,* written in the woodlands of Western Massachusetts, calls Brigit:

Hail Brede

Bride of fire
Brede of flame
Melting thought
Moulding song

Brede of Bards
Brede of Smiths
Hammering iron
Moulding gold

Winter-change Brede
Weird of the Boundaries
Cradle of Inspiration
Brede who sets to forge
The Fates, the Muses
And the creation
Of the soul

From the collection Dark Beauty, by Katrina Messenger:

Oh Mother
Oh Mother, guide my feet
Oh Mother, guide my feet
Calm my heart
Calm my mind
Calm my soul
Oh Mohter, guide my feet

There she stands
A child in fear
Balled up fists
Face in tears

Crying out
For love and support
For safety
And a kind word

Oh Mother, guide my feet

Expectant she eyes
The horizon
Cynical cuz
She knows the score

Prove her wrong
Prove her right
But leave her in
The wilderness no more

Oh Mother, guide my feet

I know her name
And her history
I've seen her harmed
At every turn

Pick her up
Carry her home
Wipe her face
Take away her wish
That she'd never been born

Oh Mother, guide my feet

I am her
I am she
I am mother
And I am me

And as we walk
This path together
Oh Mother,
Guide my feet

This third poem is also from Your Luminous Self.

She Changes
(Second Meeting With A Red-Haired Woman)

Surprised, you say she appeared
A different way
Our meeting last.
Yes, I say, you can never tell.
Though you think yourself now to be
At a warm, light hearth,
Crowded and merry,
For all you know
You may have insteaad
Stopped off in the dew-cold woods
And be holding blind council
With a fox,
A crow,
And a grey-tufted owl.

The photograph of Brigit is of a mask made by Lauren Raine and worn by a priestess in a ritual. You can find it in her book, The Masks of the Goddess. Although I am unable to find a credit for the photo, I am almost certain it was taken by Thomas Lux. I cannot be sure, but I suspect the priestess is Diane Darling.

* Your Luminous Self can be purchased from Asphodel Press, Hubbardston, Massachusetts.

ConVocation 2009

The last weekend in my over-scheduled month of February found me at a gathering called ConVocation, near Detroit. My understanding is that each year's theme is taken from one of the Major Arcana of Tarot, this year the card being XV, Death. The con was titled "From the Shadow to the Mountain Top." ConVocation is sponsored by MEC (Magical Education Council).

Winter/Rodney and Jack/Deedra of Trillium Reclaiming met me at the airport -- Detroit Metro is one of the nicest airports I've ever used -- with a big glittery sign with my name on it. That's a first, and a fun one, too! As soon as I entered the Troy Hilton Hotel, Con Chair Cindy Dugan handed me my registration package and escorted me to my room, where I met my companion, Susan Wilson from Hearth & Grove Fellowship in Kalamazoo, who'd just arrived.

Susan presented me with a sweeping cloak she'd made, matching one she'd made for herself. She's mailing it to me because I didn't have room in my luggage to take it home with me. I'm eager to get it. I know I'll have many occasions to put it into good witchy use.

After the opening ceremony that first evening evening, Susan and I joined Jack, Lea and other Trillium folks for a chant and song exchange. I learned a few new ones -- well, I didn't learn them all that well because my senior mind needs to sing them longer than we did in order to retain them. I also experienced chants and songs I've known for years that had been transformed by the folk process. The one I liked best, and which was really powerful, was a dark mother chant used by the folks in the Church of Asphodel from Massachusetts. I need to contact them to learn it better. I found it compellingly powerful.

Speaking of the Church of Asphodel, King Raven Kaldera came to my first workshop, "Intrafaith: Creating & Sustaining Pagan Community." As is my style, I engaged attendees in dialogue about the topic. I learned that the Church of Asphodel was created with a mission to include Pagans who have a harder time fitting in with other Pagan groups: transgendered folks, people with lots of tattoos and piercings, those who have limited social skills or Asperger's disorder, who have Tourette syndrome, who've been disinvited from other groups. I think this is such a righteous mission. I'm glad the Church of Asphodel is doing this work, even though I couldn't do it myself. They have my respect. My heart was gladdened to learn that a person I got to know a bit when I visited Gainesville some years ago, Zot Lynn Szurgot, is the former "Speaker of the House of Commons" of the Kingdom of Asphodel. Their Asphodel Choir performs ancient, modern, and original folk songs. And speaking of choirs, Susan's Hearth & Grove Fellowship also has a small Pagan choir. Reclaiming's Spiral Dance chorus also performs at Pagan events here and there, now and then.

During that session, I backtracked to fill in attendees on the whole concept of interfaith as well as intrafaith. It seems that interfaith activities are much more limited in other parts of the country than they are where I live. Too bad. We can fix that, though.

I didn't manage to get to any earlier workshops on Friday morning. Among those I'd have liked to attend were "Instant Drumming" with Alex Wedmedyk, whom I know a bit from Starwood. I'd love to learn more about drumming and to be able to do it better. The last drum workshop I took was a frame drum session with Kevin Roddy at PantheaCon a few years ago. How pathetic is that that I've done so little?

Another workshop I missed in that time slot was "Story Telling (Oral Wisdom" with Trillium Reclaiming. Their group emphasizes singing, chanting and storytelling, and I can tell you they're very, very accomplished in all those areas.

The Con staff had me heavily scheduled, however. Immediately after my first workshop I had a booksigning, followed by a rehearsal for our Brigit ritual. Even with a script, performing a ritual with people you don't know, whose skills, strengths and weaknesses you can only guess, presents a challenge. More about the Brigit ritual later.

I'd have liked to sit on on "Manifestations of Orisha" with Joy Wedmedyk, (Apetebii Osa Irosun), had I the opportunity. Joy is a lovely woman I know from Starwood, where I invited her to participate in a panel on thea/ology last year. She and everyone else on the panel and in the pavilion listening had a great time.*

I had expected to see some CoG folks there, but didn't. I did see some former CoG folks, like Puck who used to be in Seattle. There wasn't even a CoG info flyer on any of the tables.

Later on Friday I arrived for my Besom Brigade workshop, only to find very few folks there. Those who were were enthusiastic, but we needed at least five to make our pentacle. Con staff got the hotel staff to scrounge up some additional brooms. They beat the bushes for people to come. We managed to get a few teen and young adult Pagans there. Here we are learning the welcome song.

I suspect there were so few people because my workshop ran concurrently with one called "From the Ordeal Path to Sado-Shamanism: Pagan BDSM." Here's the description:

From the Lakota SunDance to monastic submission, the elements of BDSM have been part of people's spiritual lives for millenia. We will explore the ways one can incorporate these varied practices into you spiritual life from the perspective of authors and practioners Michelle Belanger and Raven Kaldera.

That's some competition! I'm sure twirling brooms seems tame compared to sado-shaminism, even though the besom is a shamanic form of transportation. I didn't meet Michelle, but I've seen her talking about vampires and vampirism on the History Channel.

I missed the FOCAS (Federation of Circles and Solitaries) meet and greet because I needed to get some food in my body. I met several of them a few years ago when CoG members Oberon Osiris and his wife Banshee took me to meet them after I'd presented at an AFSC LGBT Peace Conference at Eastern Michigan University in Ypsilanti, where I'd also met Raven for the first time. I like that their focus seems to be on public service. I especially like that they rescue black cats!

I'd also have liked to attend "As Green as the Goddess: Environmentalism for Magickal People,"with Nekita, although I'm unclear as to how our Pagan environmentalism would be different from just plain old enviromentalism. I know we bring a sense of wonder and magic, an awareness of our dependence on the Earth and the interconnectedness of all Life.

Trillium Reclaiming presented "Sacred Bondage Lecture and Discussion: The Sacred Art of Bondage as Magic Tool of Transformation." I missed that, too. I missed "Conversations with Crones" with Judith due to schedule conflict. Others I missed were "Salt, a Historical and Magical Perspective," with Soror Ananyelka, OTO, and "Don't Check Your Brain at the Door," presented by Andrich Vitimus. I'm known to say with some frequency, "You don't have to check your brain when you enter a sacred circle." The "Mojo Bag Class," The Feral Fool: Honoring the Trickster," "The Eightfold Path of Altered States," and "Take Back the Night: A Dark Goddess Ritual" all appealed to me but didn't work out for me to attend.

Brigit Ritual

I'm ever so grateful to all the folks who helped make this ritual as good as it could be. This was the third time this particular scripted ritual to Brigit has been performed. A bit of its history: In 1999 I was contacted by a reporter, who'd been recommended to me by Oz Anderson of Albuquerque, to help her with a piece she was doing for the Fox TV station in Sacramento. (I know -- Fox, yikes!) For this story Michelle Hofland,** the reporter, needed some footage of a ritual. Well, you know how difficult that is to accomplish -- or at least was back in those days. Not to mention how hokey they seem on film when it's really the experience you have and carry in your heart and not the appearance of what's being done. I agreed to cooperate, but boy! did I take a lot of flak for it! That's a story for another day.

The then-Marin Ritual Planning Cell of Reclaiming collaborated with me. We began with the standard Reclaiming Brigit ritual, which involves a holy well and sacred flame. Urania and Luanne and I worked together to come up with a scripted triple Brigit invocation. The space had a fireplace at one end, concrete block walls painted white, and a light-colored linoleum floor. Joelle created four exquisite altars in the Quarters, each glowing with lots of candles. Urania set up the well and cauldron in the center, draped with white lace and surrounded by white flowers, with an anvil a bit to the side. The cameraman used a camera that required no lights. We directed him to shoot only towards specific sections of the room, to turn the camera off during most of the time when people were approaching the well/flame, and we offered people veils to wear if they were uncomfortable with having a camera there. What this meant was that we were able to perform the entire ritual entirely by candlelight and flame from the cauldron. This lighting resulted in a beautiful, nuanced video. I don't live in the area where it was broadcast, but a friend who does managed to tape that segment for me. It came off really well. I even heard compliments from a friend in Massachusetts who'd seen it on a Fox news broadcast in Florida.

The second time this ritual was performed was for the Center for Multifaith Education at Auburn Theological Seminary in New York City. One of the program offerings involves giving students an experience of the rituals of different religions. Since I was asked to do this on behalf of Witchcraft and Paganism, I chose to recreate the Brigit ritual we'd done for filming because (1) She's a goddess, (2) She's more than just Craft; She's important to Druids and Celtic reconstructionists, among others, (3) She's triple-aspected, and (4) She's not a threatening or scary divine personage.

For the New York ritual I sought the aid of other Pagans, most of whom I'd had little to no experience working with ritually. One of my Minoan Sisterhood friends, Lynn Pacifico, and Reclaiming friend Vajra served as the other two Brigits. A few New York Gardnerians, a Minoan Brother, and several local Reclaiming folks gathered props, wrote the two guided meditations, and performed other ritual roles. By all accounts, we succeeded in honoring Brigit and affording an opportunity for others to know Her better as well.

For this most recent performance, I enlisted the help of MEC Board Members Cindy Dugan, Kathy Blizzard and Jane Pierce in casting, procuring props, and preparing the room. Kathy crafted a lovely Bridey dolly from straw and lace, as well as erecting all five beautiful altars.

Constantina/Galatea embodied Bridhe of the sacred flame of inspiration and red-haired PK embodied Brigantia of the healing waters.

In my experience, the guided meditations reviewing the year just past and looking forward to the upcoming year by Winter and Jack were the best I've ever seen. These are difficult meditations, more difficult than most. Add to that the fact that there are few people of my acquaintance who are really adept at this sort of thing, in spite of the fact that they're done all the time in Reclaiming circles, where they're called "trances." They were far better than I could have done, although I consider myself only competent, not particularly talented. I tip my pointy black hat to them!

Here's a photo of some of the Trillium Witches who helped.

* * * * *

Saturday night Trillium Reclaiming offered a Queer Mysteries ritual. This was interesting to me for two reasons. One is the matter of experiencing how current and far-flown Reclaiming groups do ritual, and the other in light of the queer performance ritual I attended the previous weekend at PantheaCon. Let us say that in general I have a more formal, "old school" ritual aesthetic than most Reclaiming groups. Having said that, however, I experienced a well-planned, focused, elegant ritual. The heart of the ritual consisted of a beautiful story-telling by Matt of the Greek myth of Ganymede, cup-bearer and lover of Zeus, followed by a co-creation of a brew. Again I will say that these folks know their stuff. I was very glad I'd gone.

It snowed quite a few inches on Friday night and Saturday. That was a real treat for this California gal, especially since I was in a cozy hotel with amenities. Trillium sent out for Chinese; we dined together and hung out later for gossip, clowning and general schmoozing.

Sunday morning did a lecture/discussion called "Serving Our Own & Others" about community service, counseling, working with established service agencie/charities, the value (or not) of creating our own service agencies/charities (elder hostels, hospitals, food banks, homeless services., etc.) This time Joshua and Elizabeth from Church of Asphodel came, in addition to Raven. I learned that they, and others, are already establishing Pagan service agencies. It's my hope that we can all keep in touch and share our experiences and learn from one another.

The Trillium folks took me to lunch at a Lebanese restaurant on the way to the airport Sunday afternoon. Wonderful lunch, in fact, the best meal I had all weekend -- the Con hotel was lame on decent dining establishments. To my delight, the folks from Trillium Reclaiming lavished me with their gracious hospitality and pleased me immensely with their competence, spirit and grace.

To me, ConVocation is one of the best-kept secrets in American Pagandom. This was their fifteenth year, and they attract nearly 1,000 attendees, yet I'd not heard of them until they invited me. Neither have many of my Pagan friends around the country. Had I known of it, Cherry Hill Seminary and myself personally would have placed an ad in the program. I'm glad I know now. The secret's out and you readers now know of it, too. If you get the opportunity, go.

Next year's ConVocation theme is XVI, The Tower, "Surviving the Storm." Check it out.

* I notice that back in July of 2008 I said I'd be writing more about this panel, and then I never got around to it. In a nutshell, panelists were Tony Mierzwicki, Greco-Egpytian Reconstructionist; Ian Corrigan, ADF Druid; Joy Wedmedyk, Ifa; myself, Reclaiming, Anderson Faery/Feri and Witch at Large; and origynal sinnerjee, Reclaiming Craft, Radical Satyr of Radical Faeries and who knows what all of his own uniqueness.

** Michelle now works for MSNBC. The last I heard from her was when she was covering Hurricane Katrina from New Orleans; she was horrified.

*** Besom photo by Susan Wilson; all Brigit photos by Caridwyn.

I'm back

Readers, please excuse my long absence. I've been under a dark black cloud for many months. I can see rays of light piercing the rains we here in California have finally been blessed with, and with the return of Brigit, my spirits are lightening.

My sister Catherine is doing a fundraiser for a most worthy cause, Shakti Rising, a rehab facility for women in San Diego. Details here. If any famous person is reading this, please consider contributing a doodle. The date is nearly upon us. Thanks.

puff, puff

Yes, I'm still here. It seems that the turning of the Wheel this Spring was an especially earth-shaking one. Things are calmer now.

It helps me understand life when I view it through a lens of encounters with deity. This season I experienced two goddesses. One was Sekhmet, a healer. My friend Marilee, Her priestess, claims that Sekhmet is not the gentle, soothing kind of healer, but rather one of extreme measures. She is goddess of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, amputation. The healing I see Her having a hand in this season was one of amputation -- unfortunately, not without some collateral damage.

The other goddess who's been swirling around is Oya. She swept in like a whirlwind, blew things all around, and left them in disarray.

At this point, I'm trying to restore some semblance of order and repair the collateral damage as much as I can.

I knew when I was standing with Sekhmet that this amputation might not be a clean one, done with one mighty swing of a strong, sharpened blade. That was what I feared most about it. But I had to take the position I did, even while I remained acutely aware of, and dreading, that risk. I had not expected Oya to come swooping in Sekhmet's wake. I suppose if I'd been more prescient, I'd have anticipated it, but I didn't.

Now I appeal to bright Brigid, Whose flame tempers and Whose waters sooth.

I'm off to Dandelion, the third biennial all-Reclaiming gathering, in my home territory. Tonight we'll circle in Valley of the Moon, California, where I'll declare our intent and seal it. I love the theme: "All the Infinite Possibilities."

I'll leave early so I can participate in a day-long event organized by Don Frew. Called People of the Earth in America: Preserving Our Cultures, Building Our Community, it will take place at the Interfaith Center at the Presidio

Puffin' on down the road.....

Poem for the Feast of Brigit

Much as poetry makes my heart sing, it's not my gift. So in honor of my friend Oak's call for poetry in honor of the Feast of Shining Brigit, I've chosen a poem by one of my favorite poets, one I'm happy to call a dear friend and mentor, Patricia Monaghan. This is from her collection, Seasons of the Witch.

Praisesong for Her

She is a tree in a circle of stones.
She is a crossroad at noon.
She is a breeze in the red mountain ash.

She is a hill on a night without stars.
She is a tear of the sun.
She is the moon on the ripening grass.

She is a hawk in the circling sky.
She is the eye of a hound.
She is a fish in the river of glass.

She is a berry of red mountain ash.
She is a seed of bright grasses.
She is a stone in the river of glass.

She is the sigh as time passes.

May the blessings of bright Brigit shower you with light!

Oh, Bridey, Come, Come, Come!

I'm always glad when the Feast of Brigit rolls around, never less than this year, when I'm dealing with some serious healing issues in my family. Deirdre is melting in Brigit's forge, being hammered on Her anvil, shaped into something new and glorious. I am calling for Brigit's healing balm, carrying Her waters to those who have need of their healing. But basically I don't feel very creative. So in answer to the request for Brigit poetry, I offer this piece created by Diane Darling and me for a goddess masks ritual I created at New College of California back in 2000. The accompanying photo shows Lauren Raine's gorgeous mask of Brigit, worn by Diane, and photographed by Tom Lux.

I am Brigid, Lady of the Celts,
Creatrix of the Island of Ireland,
Midwife to new life in Spring.

You may know I am here
when the snowdrop flowers
When the lambing begins,
and the calving and foaling,
When the babes conceived on Beltane are born.

I am Lady of the flame,
Mistress of changes,
without and within.
I shape the bright metals:
gold and silver, spirit.

I shape the bright hearts of the lover,
the poet,
the smith.
Feel My hand on yours as you craft your lives,
Shape your loves,
build your great works,
grow into your true self.

I am Lady of the Well,
the deep well
That reaches into the darkness
and rises to the light,
The spills the waters of wisdom
for all who care to drink.

I am the great fount of Inspiration
for poet and bard.
The harp sings in My voice,
and the pipes and drums
My song is sung in all the lands,
by bird and bard and babe.

You may come to Me for healing,
be it of beast or human;
For beginning new life,
for insight, for love,
Or just to shelter within My cloak
from life’s tempests and sorrows.

Call Me by My many names:
I am with you,
children of the children of the children of
The Lost Isles,
the Western Shores,
children of Turtle Island.
I have not forgotten you,
far flung though you may be.

Remember Me also, My beloved ones,
when the poet sings,
When the cow rises from the calving
and the fever leaves the brow.

Tonight I'm going to renew my connection with Brigit in community. I will thank Her for all She's given me, renew my pledge to Her, and relight a candle with Her flame. Here are the words with which I'll seal the spell.

What we have received tonight has been held in our keeping.
What passes now flows out of our hands and into the Earth,
Trusting in time and right season,
Let us go on.

Brigit Approaches

I look forward to our annual celebration of the Feast of the Goddess Brigit. This year especially, since I'm dealing with a loved one much in need of healing.

In honor of Brigit in her role as fire in the poet's brain, goddess of inspiration, I invite all to join in the Second Annual Brigid in Cyberspace Poetry Reading anytime on February 2, 2007 on your blog.

This is a spell begun by Reya and being continued by Oak, so "link to whoever you hear about this from and a mighty web of poetry will be spun."