Your group is open to
anyone who wishes to join in your shared work.
There is no method by which individuals are vetted for membership. They simply attend meetings. Well, that’s mistake number one. No filtering to avoid antagonists.
Due to this loose policy,
enters Starflower, a sweet person with a lack of boundaries and a casual
attitude towards commitment. She may
volunteer for all sorts of projects and jobs, yet it seems that as soon as she
leaves a meeting, those commitments evaporate.
She cannot be counted on to do what she said she’d do.
Veteran group member Bubastis
works hard at teaching and taking care of the group’s funds. She collects the money paid for classes and
events, and then pays the costs (hall rentals, etc.) and issues checks to each
teacher. She’s older and can at times be
cranky, but she’s entirely standup.
Others in the group
realize that Starflower is flakey. On
the back end, some are griping about her.
They don’t like her much, but, heck, this group is egalitarian and fair
and open to anyone, so what are you gonna do?
However, standup Bubastis
confronts Starflower about the fact that she doesn’t do what she says she’ll
do. Others appreciate this statement,
but they don’t give any indication that they share Bubastis’ frustrations. They keep quiet, stand aside, and let
Bubastis do all the confronting.
Months elapse, meetings
continue, all the while nearly everyone in the group disliking Starflower. She displays her antagonism, but no one
except Bubastis calls her on it.
At some point Starflower
complains about the lateness of a reimbursement check from Bubastis. Needless to say, every member of this group
is a volunteer. Bubastis has a life
beyond this group, with other things that need her attention besides the
group’s books. She is timely about
writing checks. No one else has ever
complained about her work.
So Bubastis confronts
Starflower about her unreasonable demands and her chronic dropping of the
ball. Again, everyone else shares
Bubastis’ exasperation, but in the face of this confrontation they remain mute.
This state of affairs
continues, with Bubastis calling Starflower on her unreliability and the
difficulty of working effectively with her.
Finally, one of those who is most annoyed with Starflower says, “You two
obviously need mediation.” So the group decides to send Bubastis and
Starflower to a mediator. They go, but
nothing is resolved. Why? Because the problems with Starflower are not
Bubastis’s problems. The problem of
Starflower is shared by the whole group.
They have merely scapegoated
Bubastis in order to avoid confronting Starflower themselves.
So what happens? Well, Bubastis throws up her hands and leaves
the group. She has not been
supported. She has been
scapegoated. And what else happens? Starflower leaves. Perhaps she discovered that she and the
others weren’t as compatible as she’d imagined they would be. Or perhaps she resented being sent to
mediation with Bubastis. Or perhaps her
role as antagonist has now been fulfilled.
Who knows? But whatever the
reason(s), the group, in losing Bubastis, has now lost a valued member. Not only that, but there has been unnecessary
hurt inflicted upon Bubastis. She became
discouraged because she was not supported by those she’d been working with all
this time. She had proven her
worth. Evidently the rest of the group
felt it was okay to sacrifice Bubastis to rid themselves of Starflower.
To me, this is a sad
commentary on the health of this particular group. Do you recognize this type of situation in
your group?
