I'm in shock. Stunned! Nonplussed. I just learned something tonight that probably should have been obvious to me based on my observations of how certain people have regarded other certain people throughout our (Reclaiming's) existence. But not me! I really had no idea. I feel hurt, betrayed, like a stooge, a fool, a dupe. Dismayed, disillusioned, distressed. (The 'dis' my partner Corby used when hearing this is "disgusting.") At the same time, I feel disloyal in feeling that way. Recently I responded to an entry on Anne Hill's blog, saying, "maybe I'm just a slow learner." I feel like that tonight. How could I have missed this?
At the most recent Dandelion Gathering in May when people were calling for the use of the word "action" in the BIRCH statement of intention, I stated that I thought we needed to add the word "reflection." I believe that action without reflection is unbalanced and unhealthy. That magical intent seems to be manifesting. We, meaning those in the greater Reclaiming community who post on lists (specifically Spider, supposedly a WitchCamp teachers and organizers lists, although I am neither), maintain blogs, and otherwise interact in cyberspace, are now actively engaged in discussing our identity; our organization, or lack thereof; our processes, both acknowledged and covert; our strengths and weaknesses; our standards, or lack thereof; our accountability (to whom? to what?); our thealogy; our sacred technologies; our shared values and points of agreement (and disagreement); our ethics. It's not easy.
When Anne posted her first two reflections on the trad, and in particular her unique view of it, I just had to respond. Probably because it has meant so much to me. I was a little uneasy because blogs are so wildly public. Then again, I value transparency in most things, and I'm known for my candor. (In fact, I think that particular characteristic of my personality is what accounts for my shock at the information that was just revealed to me tonight.) Actually, it felt rather liberating talking about all this right out in the open.
Sure enough, though, soon I find my more inflammatory comments quoted on Chas Clifton's blog and on The Wild Hunt.
Anyone interested in following this unfolding may wish to check Oak's Roots Down as well as the above-mentioned Blog o' Gnosis and here from time to time.
Obviously this is an inappropriate medium for me to go into details about the cause of my shock. Besides, I'm still in too much shock to achieve a clear perspective. Suffice it to say that the fact of this distressing situation does not reflect an inadequacy on my part. One thing that is clear to me -- and that was stressed by my informants -- is that evidently my habit of questioning the status quo, or certain individuals, authority or assumptions, threatens some others.